dys·func·tion /dɪsˈfʌŋkʃən/ [dis-fuhngk-shuhn]–noun
1. Medicine/Medical . malfunctioning, as of an organ or structure of the body. 2. any malfunctioning part or element: the dysfunctions of the country's economy. 3. Sociology . a consequence of a social practice or behavior pattern that undermines the stability of a social system.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Ode To My Stomach

January 1st, 2009

I made a resolution to love myself more.

I knew it would be a hard thing to do, the first year was disgustingly painful, but it was something I had to do.

I was sick of looking in the mirror and hating myself.

Getting dressed every morning and hating how my clothes fit.

Looking at pictures of myself and hating what I saw.

January 1st, 2010

During the past year I have successfully moved my image of myself from a 4 to a high 7 out of 10.

I stopped imagining myself wearing the newest trend. I even stopped trying on certain hip clothes in stores - this decision prevented a lot of panic attacks.

I wore bikinis again. Mind you, only in the company of family...at the cottage...where no one else could ever see me.

Maybe a low 7.

It was a tough year.

January 1st, 2011

I feel good.

Better than I ever have before.

It has taken many serious discussions, and an ability to look hard at myself to determine where these expectations come from.

I could blame the media, my friends, peers, society, but in the end I truly believed every difficult image I had set out for myself.

Somewhere deep inside of me those beliefs still live.

Persistent little bastards.

But I can finally accept myself.

It makes a world of difference to be completely accepted by someone you love.

I will occassionally look in the mirror and think nasty thoughts (after all, this is no easy task) but more often than not, I love myself.

I think: Man! I look good.

And it feels good.

And so, I owe my stomach an apology:

As the longest standing recipient of my self-hatred, Stomach, you are the bomb.

You have withstood me jamming a piece of metal through you; three incisions for surgery; two seperate pregnancies; and every pair of jean I have ever buttoned up around you - yet you still hang around.

You've taken every brutal comment I have thrown your way; soldiered on through every nasty period; and you have never asked for anything in return.

Thank you Stomach.

You are truly something beautiful.



yellow_buttercup99 said...

Man, takes a lot of guts to post pictures like that online. I commend you for it!
I don't think that I could.

jedi starrunner said...

I like that in the top two pictures, your tummys looks like they're looking at each other :)

one day I will be this confident.

- jG - said...

In grade 11 english class we (as a class) were talking about bodies and media and the like, and you said something like "I see images in tv and movies and feel bad about myself but then I just hug my tummy and I'm glad I have something to hold onto." (or something like that.)

Whether you were lying, exaggerating, or trying to believe something that wasn't true, I like the confidence you gave off. And that same confidence is all through this post- your ability to recognize your own improvements and to post pics of your least favourite body part!? so brave! And this time I think it's more real, so yay you!

- jG - said...

also I feel like that is a damn good stomach for a mother of two.

dys·func·tion said...

Thank you everyone for the great responses! Even just the act of posting these pictures has helped make me feel a little better about my stomach.
@jG: I vaguely remember said English class, but it was a dirty dirty lie then, so most of the details are hazy.