I made a resolution to love myself more.
I knew it would be a hard thing to do, the first year was disgustingly painful, but it was something I had to do.
I was sick of looking in the mirror and hating myself.
Getting dressed every morning and hating how my clothes fit.
Looking at pictures of myself and hating what I saw.
January 1st, 2010
During the past year I have successfully moved my image of myself from a 4 to a high 7 out of 10.
I stopped imagining myself wearing the newest trend. I even stopped trying on certain hip clothes in stores - this decision prevented a lot of panic attacks.
I wore bikinis again. Mind you, only in the company of family...at the cottage...where no one else could ever see me.
Maybe a low 7.
It was a tough year.
January 1st, 2011
I feel good.
Better than I ever have before.
It has taken many serious discussions, and an ability to look hard at myself to determine where these expectations come from.
I could blame the media, my friends, peers, society, but in the end I truly believed every difficult image I had set out for myself.
Somewhere deep inside of me those beliefs still live.
Persistent little bastards.
But I can finally accept myself.
It makes a world of difference to be completely accepted by someone you love.
I will occassionally look in the mirror and think nasty thoughts (after all, this is no easy task) but more often than not, I love myself.
I think: Man! I look good.
And it feels good.
And so, I owe my stomach an apology:
As the longest standing recipient of my self-hatred, Stomach, you are the bomb.
You have withstood me jamming a piece of metal through you; three incisions for surgery; two seperate pregnancies; and every pair of jean I have ever buttoned up around you - yet you still hang around.
You've taken every brutal comment I have thrown your way; soldiered on through every nasty period; and you have never asked for anything in return.
Thank you Stomach.
You are truly something beautiful.
5 comments:
Man, takes a lot of guts to post pictures like that online. I commend you for it!
I don't think that I could.
I like that in the top two pictures, your tummys looks like they're looking at each other :)
one day I will be this confident.
In grade 11 english class we (as a class) were talking about bodies and media and the like, and you said something like "I see images in tv and movies and feel bad about myself but then I just hug my tummy and I'm glad I have something to hold onto." (or something like that.)
Whether you were lying, exaggerating, or trying to believe something that wasn't true, I like the confidence you gave off. And that same confidence is all through this post- your ability to recognize your own improvements and to post pics of your least favourite body part!? so brave! And this time I think it's more real, so yay you!
also I feel like that is a damn good stomach for a mother of two.
Thank you everyone for the great responses! Even just the act of posting these pictures has helped make me feel a little better about my stomach.
@jG: I vaguely remember said English class, but it was a dirty dirty lie then, so most of the details are hazy.
O_o
Sorry...
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