dys·func·tion /dɪsˈfʌŋkʃən/ [dis-fuhngk-shuhn]–noun
1. Medicine/Medical . malfunctioning, as of an organ or structure of the body. 2. any malfunctioning part or element: the dysfunctions of the country's economy. 3. Sociology . a consequence of a social practice or behavior pattern that undermines the stability of a social system.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Judgement Bubble

I like to sit on my front porch.

It’s a quiet relief from Fussy Hour. It also provides a nice place for chatting, and looking at the stars.

Of course, I live on a fairly busy street and so there are constantly people walking by. Even at two or three in the morning.

Some of these people are...special sorts.

I explained to Boyfriend the other night that I have a judgement bubble. It extends about two feet all around me, and it lets me express my judgement about these special people without getting my butt kicked by them once they are offended. Luckily, Boyfriend normally sits within two feet of me and he gets to hear all of these comments.


“Really? Ice cream at nine at night? How old is that kid? Six? Nice, mom.”

“Ah, for f-! No shirt? Again?! It’s night time buddy. Be skeezy during the day with everyone else.”

“Nice mullet.”

“Wowwww... that’s a big woman.”

“Bahahaha! Motorized scooter!”

“Wipe out.”

“Ooh, a wheelie. I am soooo impressed.”

“Thanks for fighting. Hey Boyfriend! Can we NOT spread our drama around the neighbourhood when we go for walks? Thanks.”

“Nice driving arswipe.”

“That’s right...don’t signal before you cut that cop off.”

“Yeah, I’d wear a shirt like that...but I don’t want to look like a wh-.”

“Nice combo! Cigarette and a stroller. Win.”

“Wood panelling? I haven’t seen that in a while.”

“Super cool. Your music is soooo loud. Fix your trunk hatch.”

Yeah. Sometimes I’m a b***.

My theory is that everybody thinks these thoughts. It’s even possible that everyone has a judgment bubble, but some people’s bubbles are so small that they don’t actually make it to the surface of their skin. Therefore they internalize all of these thoughts.

These people have a LOT of judgement

A little judgement seeping out

That can’t be healthy... it'll probably give you gas.

So I say, as long as you can keep it in your bubble, and monitor who you allow to hear these thoughts, then the judgment bubble is a perfectly safe and healthy thing.

Let it alllll out.

Except your chest. I really can’t take seeing any more nasty nasty people not wearing shirts. For God’s sake it is NOT that hot out, you REALLY don’t look good, and you’re just going to burn.

My kids don’t need to see that.


Anonymous said...

oh great, here's tony hawk the 10-yr old white kid... ooo a bunnyhop, so impressive... and here comes - another bunny hop... and another, way to show off fail :P

-Jujube Slingshot

dys·func·tion said...

Bestie (the best friend) and I were on the porch and watched this 40-something year old guy wheelie across the street.

Several times.