dys·func·tion /dɪsˈfʌŋkʃən/ [dis-fuhngk-shuhn]–noun
1. Medicine/Medical . malfunctioning, as of an organ or structure of the body. 2. any malfunctioning part or element: the dysfunctions of the country's economy. 3. Sociology . a consequence of a social practice or behavior pattern that undermines the stability of a social system.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Gnomes...For More Than Your Garden

I hate gnomes.


They are sooo creepy and nasty, and they used to terrify me as a kid.

Used to...who am I kidding.

They are nasty buggers with their soulless eyes, and fake smiles.

There is a lot of rage hidden behind those grins.

Gnomes work like a mixture between gargoyles and the toys from Toy Story.

They move...and they live...oh believe you me, they live. Unfortunately for them, people can NEVER see a garden gnome move. So they must do their foul-deeds sneakily. They must avoid being seen. If you ever manage to sneak up on one it will INSTANTLY freeze in the position it finds itself in!

This sneaky bugger was trying to crawl out of his flower pot to wreak havoc - when suddenly! The door swings open as Jimmy's going to get the morning paper!

"Ellie! Ellie! Get the camera quick!"


But seriously.

They're nasty.

This guy has a frikking AXE!
ARGH! Nightmares!!!

I believe that gnomes have gotten bored with pulling the petals off your flowers, or nibbling at your veggies in the garden (blame the rabbits). They have moved on to bigger things. Branched out into different fields. Given themselves specialties.

Next time your toilet paper roll is empty...it was the Toilet Paper Gnome.

Printer tray not pulled out any more? Printer Tray Gnome.

DVD missing out of the case? DVD Gnome.

Missing you wallet? Keys? Pocket change? It's the Gnomes!!!

Mark my word; the day they figure out how to move when we're looking at them...

...they will TAKE OVER!


jedi starrunner said...

Just wanted to state the the gnome in the top right corner of the first picture looks like he's jerkin it.
Sex drive missing? wanking gnome. ;)

dys·func·tion said...

I didn't even notice that!
To me, it looks like the top of a knife handle. He's probably going to shank that other gnome.
Turf-war or something.