dys·func·tion /dɪsˈfʌŋkʃən/ [dis-fuhngk-shuhn]–noun
1. Medicine/Medical . malfunctioning, as of an organ or structure of the body. 2. any malfunctioning part or element: the dysfunctions of the country's economy. 3. Sociology . a consequence of a social practice or behavior pattern that undermines the stability of a social system.

Monday, December 13, 2010


I would like to introduce my newest character:

The WelFairy!

The WelFairy is a character that Boyfriend and I came up with one night shortly after I had been cut off for the eleven millionth time.

Every month on Welfare, a recipient must fill out an income statement that is provided with you debit reciept. You get your income statement and debit reciept on or around the first of every month, and it has to be filled in and returned to the welfare office on or around the sixteenth.

I applied for welfare in June of 2009 and have been recieving assistance since then while I am in school. (Hopefully OSAP next year...we'll see)

I have been cut off every month from July 2009 to September 2010.

Every. Month.

And I always seem to recieve my cut off letter around the 25th. That doesn't leave much time for me to try and contest the cut-off-edness or to try and find an alternate source of RENT and FOOD and such.

There would be various excuses as to why I was cut-off, most of them legitimate in the government's eyes. Some months was due to my court paperwork with Shake'n'Bake's father not being finished, which then prevented me from providing a finalized copy. Some months were because my income statement had become 'lost-in-transit' or something to that effect. Once was because Canada Post had delivered my debit reciept and income statement to a different address which, when returned to them, made it appear that I was living elsewhere and was possibly scamming the government for welfare money.

All of the reasons were legitimate in their eyes of course, but what a flaming pain in the arse.

I would dread the end of every month, checking my mailbox in fear, hoping that I wouldn't be recieving my cut off letter that month. And every month without fail, I would be cut off for some reason or another, and every month I would stress horrendously wondering how I was going to come up with the money to make sure my rent check didn't bounce.

A couple of times I borrowed the money from Boyfriend (his college savings) to pay my rent, and then paid him back a few days later, once I had recieved my assistance.

One day, after I had been cut off, Boyfriend made the comment that it was more likely that I was to be cut off every month than not, and that perhaps I should plan for that instead. (Difficult to do because rent doesn't pay itself and I am dirt poor.) I made the comment that welfare was so fleeting, it was almost like a magical creature that you had to appease.

Hence, the WelFairy was born!

The Legend of the WelFairy goes as follows:

You must write the WelFairy a list saying what you would like for the month. This list comes in the form of the preprovided income statement, where you have to declare every penny you made during the month. Don't forget that quarter you made when you returned someone else's grocery cart...or you'll be cut off.

You must remember to hand in any piece of paperwork that may even be remotely related to you or your welfare case, and if you can't get your hands on something you must call your worker and grovel. Warning! You may still be cut off.

It will always help to leave beer and cigarettes out by your mailbox in the same way that you would leave cookies and milk for Santa. The WelFairy likes to drink and smoke, and since those things cost money, he would appreciate some free ones. Be careful though, if you leave out too much it may seem like you have lots of money and don't need any assistance that month.

Above all else, the WelFairy hates anyone and everyone, so you will most likely be cut off. Try not to take it too personally...

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