dys·func·tion /dɪsˈfʌŋkʃən/ [dis-fuhngk-shuhn]–noun
1. Medicine/Medical . malfunctioning, as of an organ or structure of the body. 2. any malfunctioning part or element: the dysfunctions of the country's economy. 3. Sociology . a consequence of a social practice or behavior pattern that undermines the stability of a social system.

Monday, March 14, 2011

My Depression Lurks In The Shadows

Like a ghost, or a beast, my depression waits until I am not prepared and then it strikes.

The number of times I have slept through the night since Splat was born: one. One time.  I am sleep deprived.

Shake'n'Bake got the flu at her dad's house a week or so ago. She then gave it to Splat. Vomitting, diarrhea, each symptom outlasting and outdoing the last. Shake'n'Bake then got a massive ear infection, and a chest cold - that she also passed on to Splat.

And me.

I have been sick for the past three weeks now. A draining, lifeless sick that has consumed my entire being. I wanted to post something. I knew that I should post something, even a simple "Sick. More later," but nothing would come. I would check my dashboard, and just stare.

"New Post" seemed "Too Ridiculous" to even try, so I didn't.

I am sleep deprived and sick, and my depression attacked when I was weak.

Luckily for me, my depression is sick too.

This general lack of energy has caused my depression to become more of a heavy fog. Cycling through my days in a blind rut, I have been watching breakfasts become lunches, a.m. roll into p.m., and Mondays become Tuesdays become Fridays become...is it Monday yet?

I have barely lifted a finger for housework. Laundry was a necessity (it almost killed me) and yesterday the groceries had to be purchased so we would not starve, but I'm running on empty. Boyfriend had his reading week from school and he got to wash dishes the entire time.


O_o


Wooooooo.

I want to post. I want to post humorous or insightful things that everyone will enjoy. I want to brighten someone's day; share my creativity; or brag about the awesomeness of my family in general, and for the past while I haven't been able to sit at my computer to do any of it.

Just blah.



I can't wait for the weather to warm up. As it does, the girls and I will be able to go out for walks again, and I will be able to overcome this cabin fever I've been having.

We've enrolled Shake'n'Bake in a gymnastics class for wee ones, and I am hoping that getting out more will benefit all of us.

This past year has been the best for my depression that it has even been, but it lurks. It lurks and it waits for winter to come and confine me, and the flu to come and weaken me, and the babies to come and deprive me of sleep... then it strikes.




...nasty bugger.

5 comments:

jedi starrunner said...

Mine lingers in a corner until someone bruises my ego and then

WHABAM

self esteem: gone
motivation: gone
work ethic: gone
smile: gone.

:(

I make sure I always strike back. Depression may win every single battle... but I WILL win this war.

Carly said...

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I hope spring brings you all health and happiness - and while that sounds a bit like a greeting card, I mean it.

One Girl's Story said...

Love the song on your site. It speaks volumes. I hope the clouds part and the sun shines on your soon, your physical and mental health need a boost.
You are in my thoughts

- jG - said...

welcome back, Gert.
thinking of you <3

dys·func·tion said...

Thank you everyone for your kinds words! Reading all of your comments has helped my mood (as silly as it may seem), and I'm looking forward to jumping on the next Happiness Bus.

o_o

The transit around here is a bit unreliable though...we'll see.

@jedi starrunner: I know you will win the war. No doubt about it.

@ Carly: Greeting cards are based on genuine emotions, and even if you had picked that off the dollar store shelf, I am grateful you sent it to me. It helps.

@One Girl's Story: I'm not sure about the song reference, but that you for keeping me in your thoughts, it's very kind.

@jG: Thank you Mol, on both occassions.

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